Reply to Do flakey parents not understand kids are disappointed?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We've dealt with this too and it's hard. But I also recognize that sometimes it's not really "flakiness." I mean it is, but the cause isn't just not caring. It's mental health issues, general life overwhelm, sometimes financial issues, sometimes marital problems.

My DD's best friend in school last year came from challenging circumstances -- divorced parents, definitely some financial adversity, maybe other stuff going on. Whenever we set up play dates, they'd be late or wouldn't come at all. We were the only ones who initiated these. I'd always check in with DD -- "okay, we'll set this up but you know sometimes it's hard for her mom to make these plans right? So let's make a back up plan in case she can't make it last minute." My kid actually rolled with it well. She was also disappointed sometimes. That's life. This year they aren't in the same class and while they've gone to each other's birthdays, we don't get together as much. They are still friends and play at school. My DD has never let whatever circumstances make her family less reliable get in the way of liking this friend, and I follow her lead.

Just be realistic, prepare your kid, and help them deal with it when they are disappointed. Learn from negative experiences and set playdates up differently the next time (maybe inviting two kids, one whose family is more reliable).

It is what it is. You can dwell on it or you can figure out how to work with it. I always try to remind myself my kid is watching and will follow my lead, and handle it the way I hope she'll handle it in the future.[/quote]

This is a great way to go. So true that often there's something behind the "flakiness." Good way to teach your kids a lesson about being gracious (especially in these cases where it's not the other kid's fault at all, but their parent's) and also protecting herself with a backup activity.[/quote]

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