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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am so over this scenario. BIL and SIL can never be pleased, we can never do enough or the right thing to make them happy.  They say they want to come visit us, and then use our house as a launching pad to go visit others in the area instead of spending time with us (and without any invitation that we join them).  We are treated effectively like a free VBRO.  We have not had a holiday at our house in three years.  We, unlike anyone else in the family, have to travel (fly) with a toddler when we do holidays elsewhere.  Now we say we are planning to stay here for this Thanksgiving and not fly to them because they won’t be traveling as originally planned since they will have a newborn at Thanksgiving.  We assumed they wouldn’t want to host Thanksgiving with a newborn and apparently we were 100 percent wrong about that and they are offended and hurt that we aren’t coming to them (again - we went to them last year and we’re supposed to rotate to our house this year).  I am so depleted by this.   They say they want a relationship but it doesn’t feel that way.  It feels like they want us to dictate how we should act and feel at all times.  How do I not blow this relationship up? I’ve really tried to keep my mouth shut but it’s exhausting. [/quote]

I have been at both ends of this.

I have a family member who will visit, keep us on hold all day, show up late, come over like a storm and leave abruptly because they have set plans with other people. They do not sleep at our place. I’ve learned to not over prepare for them. I order out most of the time, and I’ve learned to be ok with it. I find it annoying because I’m always rushing to host them properly and they’re always in a hurry to leave. I feel used.

I have other family members that whenever I visit them (don’t sleep at their place, and we usually stay 1-2 nights) they demand that I spend all my time there because otherwise they think I’m using them as a launching pad.  I stay there for hours, and when I want to leave to visit with friends in the area, family member and spouse throw a tantrum. I have to say, I need the mental break, so I plan a couple of other visits with some other people. I usually go in with food, and all the supplies I need, because they’re not ready for us.

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