Reply to Honest Advice - Should I point out the hurt that my mom caused 15 years ago now or let it go?

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Reply to "Honest Advice - Should I point out the hurt that my mom caused 15 years ago now or let it go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I highly doubt she will empathize with you and it will bring you two closer. Some parents are more secure in themselves and don't get defensive when you point out how their actions hurt you, but that's not common.

You are going to remember these details much better than she will because we tend to remember really emotional things. For her, these were not emotional, noteworthy moments.

If you decide to bring it up, I would think hard about what you want to get out of the situation, how likely you are to be able to get it, and how you can phrase things in a way that gets you what you want. [/quote]

It is nice she has mellowed some and can be kinder with your sibling, but that also probably makes the old hurts sting double—to see that she can be more chill, but wasn’t able to do that for you.

Her resistance to accepting your version of events shows the defensiveness this PP mentions. It’s often hard for people to take an honest look at their actions and acknowledge the hurt it caused, intentional or not.

I would drop it with mom, but talk through this with friends or a therapist if you have one. As another PP says, I wonder what other hurts this is echoing from your childhood.[/quote]

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