Reply to Think I need a therapist. And maybe a lawyer..

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry you are going through this OP. You are a good mom for thinking about the well being of your kids first. Setting aside the drunk incident last night (which was not ok in my opinion), are you experiencing other issues in your marriage? Have you been happy otherwise or are there other aspects that bother/worry you that makes this feel like the final straw? [/quote]

Thank you for your kind words. It really helps.

I think you make a very good observation. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve been happy for quite some time. We get along fine and co-parent well and he does more than his fair share around the house and with the kids (more than me on balance probably). But there isn’t much love left and he tends to get very argumentative when he drinks (though not like last night which was the first time the kids had to see him this drunk). We don’t have much in common either and when we do things together it’s mostly with the kids. We’ve talked about separating before but as a child of divorced parents myself I really really didn’t want my kids to go through that. I think yesterday’s incident made me think whether I’m doing the kids a favor or not, as I honestly would want them to have higher standards of their marriage than I do myself..

Separately, should I reach out to my kids’ friend’s mom who he called last night? Not sure if or how to apologize on his behalf . Argh. 
[/quote]

Therapy therapy therapy for you op.  Don’t try to make this decision by yourself without the help of a really good, experienced counselor or therapist that you trust and can help you think this through.

As someone who has had to make this type of calculation for myself it is really overwhelming and depressing and you should understand that you do not have to make a final decision right now at this minute.

Also do NOT take the other posters position as gospel.  It is very easy for a random stranger to say that someone else’s husband is abusive or a cheater or a secret alcoholic and it is time to leave.  That is the standard on this board because frankly a lot of us have troubled and unhappy marriages and we wish that we could leave easily but it is simply NOT that easy.  Trust yourself that you know about the good in your husband and you married him for valid reasons.

Also a lot of us don’t have much in common with our husbands.  I am a lawyer and very nerdy and my husband has never even read a novel.

Mind you that I am not telling you necessarily to stay but that once divorce is on the table it is so tempting and the idea of escaping a bad situation can feel really good, but this isn’t just about feelings, there is a lot on the table.[/quote]

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