Reply to How to handle: Terminally ill neighbor, helping with kid who is crossing several lines

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1. I would speak directly to the girl, in private, and tell her to stop sending hurtful texts and bullying my daughter. I would tell her that I understand she's acting out emotionally because she's in pain inside, due to her father's terminal illness. I would say that I'm very sorry she's in so much pain, but that she cannot take it out on children around her, and that she will progressively lose all her support if she's always rude and hurtful. I would speak calmly but firmly.

2. I would then tell her mother about what her daughter did, and mention that you already asked her to stop. I would request that she speak to her child, and that her daughter might be in need of therapy to process her emotional turmoil, especially considering what's coming in the future. I would be kind and non-judgemental, because the role of caregiver is incredibly hard!!!

3. I would perhaps reach out to the school, to make them aware that this child needs counseling services. If they say that they need either the child or the parent to request services, then I would go back to the mother and let them know of this option. At our school, the counselor leads a grief group, and also does a separate lunch bunch for children in need of various social and emotional support.

4. I would not mention anything to her father.

5. Being furious is entirely inappropriate and damaging. Kids that age are capable of being very mean, and it shouldn't send you into conniptions. This is a family in crisis. Process your anger however you want, but please do not express your anger in front of any of them. There are many ways of talking about this without putting shame and guilt on this family.[/quote]

There’s really no way to approach the mom without putting guilt and shame on the family. PP is correct that any guilt or shame on this family would be wrong. 
And don’t recommend the girl needs therapy. THEY. KNOW. The family is very aware that dad is dying and that everyone is grieving/acting out, and this sort of “advice” is just completely tone deaf and out of touch. [/quote]

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