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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I stayed. I thought I owed my kids to try to see if we could work it out so they could have an intact family.

He begged me to stay when I confronted him with evidence of cheating.  He seemed remorseful. Did therapy, answered my questions, agreed to stop drinking and go to AA.

Over the course of the subsequent 2 years, it became clear to me that almost nothing he said about the affair was true.  He made up huge lies that he thought would be palatable to me. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined he was doing the things I ultimately found out about (by closely monitoring car mileage, financial statements, cell bills and putting a key logger on my laptop which he used regularly).

Staying with him was my biggest single mistake in life and it hurt me and our two absolutely great kids.  While I love them dearly and don’t regret having them, I do deeply regret tying them to such a crappy dad.  He has been a major source of pain to them their whole lives.

I would have been much better off kicking him out the moment I found out about his infidelity and investing my time building my own career and friend/family network for me and kids. That also would have been FAR better for my kids to have been more insulated from him with a greater number of other family and friend ties.

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You sound like you have a lot of regret over this but to me it sounds like you made a very reasonable choice given what you knew at the time, and that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.  I hope that you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself because you deserve that too, not just your kids.  They deserve a mom who is at peace.  You sound very thoughtful and like a great mom and I hope one day you will have all this misery with your ex totally 100% behind you.  He never deserved you.[/quote]

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