Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Zero guilt.

I should get a blog, but I’ve gone Gray Rock (thanks, dcum) after being screamed at (at a public event) by my MIL for not returning her phone call. This was well over a decade ago and the last straw for me.

I’m a childhood trauma survivor who was verbally abused by an alcoholic parent; I am a people pleaser and a sensitive soul. I avoid conflict and drama. This event with my MIL made me wake up and stop caring about her. She will not change, but I can and will and have.

No solo visits, no phone calls, no purchasing gifts, no deep conversations. I’ll be polite, chat, listen but give no details of my thoughts, opinions or offer insights. All surface.

I put up boundaries later when I should have done so upon getting married, but I’m not 22 anymore.[/quote]

I relate to this so much, but it took me a long time to get there with inlaws and even longer with my mother. my husband understand his mother and step mother were abusive, but he put his father on a pedestal. I caught on to his mom quickly, but did feel guilty until she made a horrible comment about our older child who has SN. Then I said to DH he can have any relationship he wants with her-she is his mother, but I will protect our children and myself. It took him several years until he couldn't take her for another second. She ended up estranged from her 4 kids and had a pretty contentious relationship with her sisters. My husband hated his stepmom enough he could set some boundaries, but he yearned for his father who didn't raise him. It took him a while and the stepkids having kids for him to see they didn't care about us, just the stepkids and those grandchildren.

With my mom it took me having my own illness to make it clear not another second of abusive behavior would be tolerated ever again. She walks on thin ice and knows it. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics