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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just don’t stress about it. I realized that I’d make myself crazy trying to cover for my DH to maintain the level of what I would do. I would have to nag him all the time and get in the middle of things. So I just let myself off the hook for that relationship. Do I think it’s incredibly rude of “us” when it’s November and we haven’t confirmed our holiday schedule when our in laws have offered to host us? YES. *I* would never do that. But it’s not my problem, it’s my husband’s problem. They raised him and that’s why he sucks. I can’t fix it for them now. [/quote]

+1 Let his family know early and often that you expect your husband to be an equal partner in arranging his side’s holidays, vacations and birthdays. Direct them to your husband until they get the message. Being an owner of a vagina does not mean you’re in charge of all social niceties.[/quote]

I organize engagements with my side, he does it with his.  He's not very good at it so we don't see them often and never get them gifts, unless I'm ordering baskets for everyone, which is easy.  His family makes comments as if it's my responsibility. Last christmas his mom even said, "I'm so glad you let Larlo spend Christmas with us".  I responded "Oh, im not responsible for anything he does.  He plans the trips to see you
  I'm just along for the ride.  I do the Smith side; he does the Jones side".  I could almost see her mind explode.[/quote]

I'm a DIL with only daughters and I actually think this is pretty unfair. Wives are perfectly fine with husbands who don't make plans or have opinions as long as it means the wife can just dictate everything and get what she wants. Its wrong to use this power dynamic to avoid DH's family and try to claim its "not your fault" he "didn't make plans."[/quote]

Agreed. 
And, if you are fine with your DH making no plans with his parents, then you should be fine with him making no plans with you too. [/quote]

You think it’s unfair that a man can’t make plans with his own family of origin? What are you talking about? How is that “unfair”? Is she stopping him from making plans? Is she saying no when he tries? It doesn’t say that. It says he just fails to hold up his side of those relationships. Which is…not his wife’s job. Get out of the 50s. [/quote]

LOL. Who did you marry? Why did you marry?  Your choices reflect your own self-worth.

You married an incompetent person who cannot be organized enough to do nice things for his parents and you are a-ok  with it? Then you should be a-ok with him failing to buy you flowers on Valentine's Day too!

Your DH is cold to everyone and you are fine with it? Then why are you complaining about lack of intimacy in your marriage?

Your DH does not fix the broken lock in his parent's home and you don't care? Why do you care if he forgets to change the diaper of your crying baby?

If you view yourself as a team, then you take on different roles.  Maybe it is the role of a person who plans and organizes everything. Which most of the times all the women do. But, then suddenly when it comes to the ILs, you drop the ball and say "Yeah, oops, I will not do the organizing and planning for this one".  That is very self-serving and short sighted. Because it just shows your DH that you are not a fair person but a conniving, manipulative and petty one.

Sorry, no sorry![/quote]

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