Reply to If there is a SAH spouse, are finances truly equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"If I said I wanted a $200k car for myself, DH would probably get it for me."

If that is the way both of you think (he "gets [things]" for you), then indeed, I think you're correct that as a couple, you're thinking about the income earner as the primary decision maker regarding finances/big purchases.

No, you're not being unreasonable to want to buy your parents a new car for $60k. It's very generous of you, and generous of DH to be fine with paying for all of their extras and being open to purchasing them a car costing $30k.

I think it's normal for a couple to hash out providing significant financial support for extended family, though. It doesn't sound like you and DH have serious problems. But if going back to work is appealing to you and you feel it would give you more power and more autonomy, then go for it.[/quote]

Thank you for the non snarky response. I actually really appreciate it.

We are big savers and on the same page regarding spending. We save/invest more than half our income. Dh often jokes he earns all the money and I spend it. I get to spend it on myself but not on others.

DH and I come from humble beginnings. I am actually surprised how little both DH and his siblings help out his parents. [b]My parents are a decade older and in significantly worse health dealing with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s, orthopedic issues, surgeries, etc.
[/b]
DH is also not very generous with friends either. Everyone just pays their own way. I have some girlfriends who are single moms or struggling financially and I know DH doesn’t love it when I treat them. I have mixed feelings about this.[/quote]

Hard to know if this is culture, family bringing, or just his personality but if you're not similarly minded that can be hard. I also saw your post about it feeling worse because DH is a car person - I can see that. You want to feel like he values your parents and loves them because he loves you. [/quote]

Your poor parents.  I'm so sorry that they're struggling with their physical health. However, it sounds like the last thing on their mind is whether they are driving a 2023 Tahoe or a 2023 Rogue. It really feels like you are feeling personally responsible to grant them some sort of luxury at this point in their lives.  Whether it's because you feel they deserve it or because you want to take credit as the generous daughter, or both...that's not really a reason for you guys to have to spend double on a car.[/quote]

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