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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've written about my oldest DS with ADHD/LD/Anxiety (now 20) before.  He sounds a lot like your DS. It was tough because there is/was a behavioral element to his poor academic performance. I still don't know how much of it was behavioral and how much was because of his ADHD.  I couldn't even get DS to use a calendar to track when something was due or needed to be done.  He also refused to check the apps/sites the school and teachers maintained for their classes.  It's not that he couldn't - he did really well in the classes that he liked and was on top of things. He also had a part time job that he did really well at.  The bottom line was I had to recognize that you just can't make someone 'care' so, I focused on the advice his psychiatrist gave me:  Get him through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue. Everything else can be fixed later.

That was really freeing for me.

This problem started to arise in MS.  It was at that time I started having my first conversations with DS about this being practice for college and life.  I understood he didn't care about the grade in the particular class, that he'd never use what was being taught and that it was boring.  I actually didn't disagree with what he was saying but brought up examples in my professional life of having to do work I didn't want to do, didn't think was interesting, didn't think there was value doing and that challenged my ability to attend to it - everyone has experienced this and practicing in school would better ensure you were prepared in college and in the work place.  I talked about this until a few months before he graduated from high school.

It was also in MS that I started talking to DS about behaviors I needed to see in order to pay for him to go away to college - behaviors that would indicate he could/would be successful in college.  I wasn't pushing college, there are many ways to be successful, but DS always insisted he wanted to go.  It wasn't until February his senior year that he realized the consequences of his actions.  Even if I'd been willing to pay for him to go away for college, his GPA was low, he'd not taken the SATs and he hadn't applied anywhere.

DS still wanted to go to college so I guided him to community college.  He started out taking the 'jump start' classes for free that were offered to FCPS students through NOVA.  It was then that he started learning the lessons he should have been learning in high school.  He's now finishing his 2nd year at NOVA and I can't say enough good things about community college.  He's getting where he needs to be.  He'll be going to George Mason in the fall.  I have no doubt that if he'd gone away for college that he would not have had the same success. He still needs more support than his younger sister but he's really maturing and I'm amazed at the growth I've seen in him. He's now the reliable one, a leader, in group projects!

TLDR:  Focus on getting your DS through high school without depression and without a substance abuse issue, everything else can be 'fixed' later.  Focus on those classes required to graduate with a regular diploma.  Have conversations with your DS regarding plans after HS and be clear on what you need to see in order to accommodate those plans.  Be prepared to provide support longer than what 'typical' kids may have.[/quote]

NP and I’ve read your posts before.  Just saying thank you again.  I kept this in mind at my son’s IEP meeting recently when we discussed classes for next year.  He’s taking the minimum needed to try and get that diploma.  I would be thrilled if he ended up with Cs in classes this year.  It’s a tough road for some of them.  [/quote]

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