Reply to How to deal with mom's IL jealousy during birth of third child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your mom screamed at you over the phone the day your 2nd was born? HARD PASS.

You: Mom, we'd love to have you come visit when the baby is X weeks old. We'll need you to stay in a hotel; we're not having any house guests during the newborn phase.

(I make this a universal rule, in-laws too, houseguests with a newborn is crazy)

Her: WHAT??!! What about the in-laws? This is completely unacceptable.

You: No one is staying at the house for the first four months, mom. It's too much for us to handle. Yes, the in-laws may be visiting the first week after the baby is born. You know that I love you, and I love that you're close with my children, and I'm excited for you to bond with new baby too. But your behavior towards me when Larla was born was unacceptable. We were dealing with a stressful situation and you chose to yell at me. I will not be subjected to that again.

Her: &lt;Loses her mind&gt;

You: My decision is final. Gotta go, mom. Love you! &lt;hang up&gt;

X is 3-12 weeks, IMHO, but you can wrestle with your conscious on that.

This is a boundary desperately begging to be held. [/quote]

PP to add two things:

1) Also don't take any calls or have any interaction with her in those first few weeks. Your husband can call her and tell her when the baby is born, and send her updates. Tell her in advance, "Husband is going to be in charge of communication, I need to focus on the baby, so he'll be the one talking to you. I won't be using my phone." If she's a caller, just never pick up when she calls. If she's a texter, block her number a couple weeks.

2) Stop trying to explain things to her. You said it yourself - it never registers. She gets ONE explanation, then she gets, "we already discussed this," and if she doesn't drop it, "gotta go, mom" &lt;click&gt;.[/quote]

PP again! Just thought of another thing:

The one thing you need to do is give up hope that she will ever change. This is who she is. There is nothing you can say or do that can change that. She WILL behave badly, especially when there's any potential jealous aspect. You cannot say or do ANYTHING to change this. All you can do is adapt how you handle her to meet that reality. [/quote]

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