Reply to Do you know where your 18 year old goes when going out at night?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 18 year old son is a senior in High School. He is the oldest in his class, and up until this year was a complete homebody. Some of this due to his social anxiety which he went to therapy for years ago. He stopped after 6 months when covid started, and I urged to go back but he didn't want to.

Starting this year when he turned 18, he has been going out on a regular basis which at first thrilled my husband and I. But our son seems very cagey about where he actually is. Sometimes, he'll say they went to the park, or to walk around Georgetown. But for example last night - it was pouring rain out, and when I asked where he went...he said - "somewhere". [b]He does have a group of friends from earlier childhood, but he also has a new group of friends which seem to be the ones he hangs out with mostly, and from my perspective, they all come from very poor homes, and none of them are college bound. My son on the other hand is a straight A student, we are upper middle class, and is off to college this fall. He also has a part time job that he has had for 2 years, and has never missed a day. He is responsible with money, has his own car, and all in all is a pretty great kid interested in a lot of different things. But I cant help like feeling that my son is still struggling in some ways.

I have found Marijuana in his room, vape pens, joints, etc. I worry that he is using pot to deal with his social anxiety and has chosen this new group of friends that dont seem like a good fit for him. But I don't know what to think really. [/b]

Thoughts? And what are YOUR ground rules for knowing where your child is afterschool/evenings? [/quote]

OP, have you tried talking to him? I would do that. But first, you need to reign in these judgmental thoughts you are having about his friends. If he has struggled socially and finally feels accepted you saying anything obviously bad about his new friends will not be received well.

I would acknowledge that he has always been a good, responsible kid, that you love and appreciate him, and that you know he's 18 now and entering adulthood, and that he has a right, to some extent, to his privacy. But I would also tell him that you feel worried because he has new friends who you don't know well who he spends a lot of time with, and also that you have found the pot in his room. Tell him that makes you feel worried. Then be quiet and see what he says.

Personally, I would have rules about no pot. It's dangerous for all kinds of reasons (including being laced with other drugs, kids self medicating instead of having mental health issues being properly treated, and also increasing risk of psychosis). Also, it would be dumb to go to jail for possession and/or DUI, and/or potentially impact any college acceptances. But I think for a kid you have a good relationship with, those kinds of concerns can be laid out in a conversation. You don't have to fly off the handle and kick him out like some people are suggesting.

These are the things I think are more important than knowing his specific location in the evenings.

Is he planning to go to college next year?[/quote]

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