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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. She’s very friendly, and plays with anyone. She was always making new friends on the playground, so we never forced the issue of friends. But now, as she approaches adolescence, girls are forming groups and tighter friendships and she’s aware that she doesn’t have a close friend or friend group. She does not target the “popular “ girls. She (correctly) recognizes that they’re not very nice and/or have an unwelcoming dynamic. Our school is very international, which sometimes makes it hard to connect with the parents. She has two friends who are “her people” - quirky, silly, bookish, thoughtful, etc. Unfortunately, they both attend different schools. One lives in DC and is very busy so getting together is hard. I just reached out to an classroom acquaintance to make a play date.

She is in OT for sensory (mainly loud noises, chaos in the classroom, etc) and therapy. She is so far refusing medication, but we’re continuing to discuss it.

FYI she was doing soccer years ago, when her Girl Scout troop signed up and it was another social outlet. Turns out she’s not a group sports person, so the reasons she quit soccer are many. I guess I need to find another art class and maybe something at the library or with books? I will also look into Odyssey of the Mind. Thank you for the suggestions and compassionate replies. 
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When you say the parents are “hard to connect with” what does this really mean? At age 10, most kids are starting to manage their own social lives to a certain extent. Of course, I text the parents and say “yes, my kid is inviting everyone over from 2-5 on Sunday, I will serve pizza”, but I am not trying to be friends with the parents. But my kid has relayed all the info and created a plan that has to be blessed by me.

In my case, my daughter is at a Spanish immersion school and a number of the parents have limited English skills. But their 10 year old (and presumably someone else in the home or google translate) has always allows them to respond back indicating if they are coming or not. In our case, my daughter’s group of friends almost never reciprocate (likely due to a lack of space and a focus on family events), but they are happy to show up at our house and the kids all have a great time.

I have no idea what your background is, but I want to encourage you to stretch towards just inviting people to your home even if you don’t “know” the parents and even if they don’t speak your language. The 10 year olds can translate any specific communication you want to provide. If your daughter makes a list of 10 people she is “friendly enough” with and you text the parents in a group — hopefully two or three will show up. Of course, you may need to manage your daughter’s expectations just in case.

And like all the others, I would encourage you to stretch her into other activities outside of school. I would also coach her more on how being “friendly enough” is a bridge to build upon. I know my 10 year old can get a little caught up sometimes in who her “best friends” are versus people she likes but doesn’t consider “friends.” I have tried to talk to her a lot about how friendships will ebb and flow and someone she isn’t super close with now may be her person in middle school or high school and vice versa. Sometimes including those “friendly enough” people in an invite can do remarkable things[/quote]

Thank you for this thoughtful post. We have had play dates in the past and socialized with the parents too. I am not trying to find her a best friend - I don’t love that terminology - but some girls she connects with. She is friendly with many girls, but we’re trying to help her take friendly to the next level, of friend. I have also reached out to the school librarian to ask about book clubs and media groups. [/quote]

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