Reply to if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Even if you are divorcing because of the affair, there is no reason to tell the children the reasons for the divorce![/quote]

Hard disagree.

My children are far too young to know about why I left their dad, but the only reason I left their dad is because he was having unprotected sex with random women he met on Tinder (and possibly escorts) while we were actively TTC.  I found out when I was two months pregnant.  It destroyed me.  I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on divorce and custody matters, and probably will spend tens of thousands more. This is money that in an ideal world would have gone to their college educations, or our retirement.  I was on welfare.  I was humiliated in court.

My ex does not get to preserve the image - with our kids or with anyone - of being a guy whose marriage “just didn’t work out.”  Marriage is a very serious commitment and I actually don’t believe in divorce barring adultery, abuse, or addiction.  So I’m not going to tell my kids that “it just didn’t work out.”  I don’t want them to think I was casual in my commitment to marriage and I don’t want them thinking it’s okay to leave a marriage because “it just didn’t work out.”  They will know that their dad prioritized his own carnal pleasures over the stability and sanctity of our marriage and our family, and put my health at risk in the process.

Kids know anyway.  It is absolute delusion to presume that kids buy any of the tidy bullsh** we try to feed them.  Knowing the truth will help them understand dynamics, and also what to look out for in themselves and others as they establish their own romantic relationships.  Whether articulated or not, kids repeat patterns, and they deserve to know the truth.  Just because you don’t acknowledge that a parent is a drunk, for example, doesn’t negate the impact of having a parent who’s a drunk.[/quote]

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