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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It [b]meant that I had to learn to be very self reliant and independent, learning to navigate things on my own. I don't like asking for help, and receiving help makes me feel very uncomfortable, since I learned that I only have myself to lean on.[/b]

In my circumstance, one parent died as a child. My surviving parent was depressed after that. They did the essentials - provided home, shelter, food, basic needs, but my emotional needs were not met. It often meant taking care of and consoling my surviving depressed parent, instead of having help dealing with my own grief and hardship. The term "parentified child" fits me to a T.

As an adult, I have a lot of empathy for that parent. They tried. They didn't have the tools or support themselves (both in childhood and later as a parent) to deal with their own sh!t. I see them as human - they weren't malicious - they just didn't know any better (even though I really wish they could have been)

As an adult now, I allow myself to be selfish and take care of myself as much as I need to, provided I'm not harming others. [/quote]

This is me. This was exacerbated by the fact that my older sibling was seen as being more needy, and I was the “strong” one. As an adult, my mother apologized to me; she said that they always assumed I’d be ok, and she could see that was unfair.

As an adult, I have no issues taking care of myself, but I still have problems with seeking and taking support from others. [/quote]

wow, both PP are very relatable.  Also the child of a parent that died young, leaving the remaining parent struggling for years.  Had a sibling that "acted out" ie, physically abused me, while I "acted in" (hated myself, eventually lead to self harm), which my parent viewed as my sibling needing help since they were explosive and I was self-reliant and a "good kid"

many years of learning never to ask for help, but only relying on myself.  Then sexual assault as a teenager.  Turned my "acted in" coping skills into self harm and eating disorders.  Decades of therapy off and on, and only still unpacking some of the maladative coping skills I was forced to learn as a kid to survive.[/quote]

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