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[quote=Anonymous]I never realized my discomfort in asking for or receiving help comes from growing up with a depressed and anxious parent. Nothing was good enough for this person. When I applied to colleges, I was screamed at because we didn’t have enough saved. How would I know that? She could not simply have a conversation but had to scream at me. That happened over and over. When I was in trouble and almost run over by a car at age five or six, I didn’t want to tell her because she’d say it was my fault.

My life lacked emotional support and empathy.

I’ve had therapy and worked on self-esteem and confidence. I’m on medication after trying many kinds. I always thought something was wrong with me for many years and then was finally told I’m also depressed and anxious.

One thing that hurts is I felt my mother wanted to sabotage my efforts. She hated math and it’s like she didn’t want me to be good at it.

My husband had to tell me to apologize when I was wrong. I had never felt safe enough to admit o being wrong. As a kid, I’d be screamed at…
As a parent, I did the opposite:

I didn’t scream at my kids.
I apologized for my mistakes. 
We talked about college finances.
I never said one bad thing about math and offered tutors, if needed. My children have all exceeded me in math, and I’m proud of that. 
I listen without saying the kid is overreacting or silly.
I don’t say, “my family is dead.”
When bad stuff happens to my kid, I don’t victim blame.

But I still have had my emotions get the better of me and discovered I have adhd.

This experience is a disability.

These days, I ignore and detach when my mother tries to get me involved in her emotions. When her meds were off last year, she began screaming at me. I left as soon a I could, because I can’t be her therapist.

She’s ok now and even makes jokes now that she’s on meds and I wonder why she didn’t do this years ago. She had said she couldn’t because of her job. 
She would have done far less damage if she had been on medicine. [/quote]

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