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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's no way I'm making a big move at 80.

They like where they are.  You don't.  But it's their life to live.

While I understand your sadness, it's time to let go of this unrealistic expectation. [b]What you can do is help them make plans for accessing care & support as they age.[/quote][/b]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. NP. What even makes you think they will accept any plans for accessing support and care? My father sits in a chair all day watching TV, profoundly disabled by a stroke, and expects my equally elderly mother to help him with what he can’t do. My mother can barely walk herself and is also weak and disabled. Lawyers can’t help as doctors are unwilling to declare either mentally incompetent (lawsuit fears I’m sure). They are 3000 miles from me, broke save for social security, and refuse all suggestions, from assisted living in their area, to moving to where family is etc. So many solutions they refuse to take. My mother told me the other day she wishes my father were dead - she’s clearly afraid to say no to him. All she has to do, I told her, is leave with her social security and he will surely follow. Instead she lets him dictate from a chair. If they would downsize even to a smaller home in their neighborhood, they could afford to hire someone in to help them. Father screams NO, mother says she’s too afraid. The only way something changes is if one of them dies.  If my mother deteriorates to the point where she needs full-time care, there’s still no way my father would sign papers to sell the house, leaving my mother on Medicaid. If she becomes wheelchair bound and incontinent, she will THEN beg to come to me to avoid a nursing home and expect me to drop EVERYTHING to care for her full-time. Solutions are there - great solutions, doable solutions - but they won’t take them. One a crisis hits, there will be no viable solution anymore[/quote]

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