Reply to Any tips or advice re: interacting with elderly relative with borderline and narcissistic traits?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First off, so far our experience is it gets worse and more crazy with age. Mom used to be subtly manipulative, slightly entitled and had mils issues managing anger. Now it's all that on steroids. The sad thing is she is so obvious trying to pit people against eachother. She even tried to start a drama with my brother writing an email from ME from her email address. I chat with my brother weekly. What a stupid manipulation on her part. He knew it was her, but we both couldn't believe how ignorant she has become in her attempts to create drama.

We have both learned to detach from her. She has an obsession with firing doctors and acting like a diva at the office. We stopped researching doctors for her because it's a waste of time. She is perfectly capable of researching herself and she just fires them anyway.

Yes, don't expect the parent to be normal. We limit contact and get off the phone or leave when she rants, manipulates, guilt trips or tries to triangulate. [/quote]

Lol, my mom's neighbor said her entire sense of self is "bad girl DIVA." Mine likes going to the doctor esp if they compliment her shoes or purse. She does not follow their advice but going is one of her primary pastimes. If they try to schedule her in 6 months, she will call back and move appointment up.

Sib is angling for $ and handouts so just blows smoke, says, "you are sharp as a tack!" and fuels the triangulation and recently, paranoia.

Neighbors have expressed concerns and have pulled back. Just waiting for the next crisis, the intervals are getting shorter and shorter.

How can any concerns re: cognition be raised without triggering narc rage? She refuses to have anyone on the accounts or even to have one of us call in to participate in doctor's appointments, although if we are visiting from out of state she insists we go, nothing is consistent. Her insight or understanding of what was said at the appointment is often lacking, even right after. Sometimes that is documented by office staff. She is more and more unreasonable with us and has more rando 'unemployed neighbor of x home health provider" angling for some type of employment. It's not a great situation. Not sure how the jollying along advice would play out in this scenario?

It's like she has some kind of attachment disorder, people who have acted in her interest are scorned and rando sketchy strangers are embraced, sometimes literally. I looked up the standard for being declared incompetent in her state and it's pretty high.

It's stressful and when I try to build in safety I am blocked. [/quote]

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