Reply to S/O How do you justify having an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] After years of trying to get my spouse to participate in a real and satisfying sex life, I outsourced.

I lived with myself by noting that I shouldn't have to lose my kids and finances, and if it ever got discovered, I am in the same place as I would be if we just divorced since we are no-fault.

Is this that hard to understand even if you don't agree with it?[/quote]

NP. It is hard for me to understand how your risk/reward analysis focused on yourself only.  Your spouse (and probably your kids, because at some point they will find out) would surely be more traumatized by the cheating and then divorce more than a clean break.  Your spouse thinks they are in a monogamous marriage, and if they find out you cheat it upends their world and makes them question everything.  At a minimum, your spouse would not be in a healthy place to parent.  Have you not considered anything but your own viewpoint?[/quote]

Pp you are responding to. Let me put it in super simple terms.

I was very, very lonely and desperate for affection. I also love my kids and my life and it wasn't worth divorcing. So I gave in to the longing that my spouse left open by denying affection and refusing to go to therapy to address it.

I know you are 💯% certain you would never ever do something to betray your spouses trust and would always take the high road and rationally divorce. You are a better person than me. I mean it. [/quote]

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