Reply to S/O How do you justify having an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Of course, there isn’t one answer. I do think a lot of women posters are fooling themselves with this talk of unaddressed family trauma. I get the desire to understand why.  A lot of time it is pure entitlement and compartmentalization. They don’t justify or rationalize their behavior because they are not thinking about YOU at all. They think it’s a private indulgence: if no one knows, no one is hurt. Akin to drive-thru fast food when your wife knows you’re hypertensive or gambling too much on a Vegas weekend with the boys, or watching porn in the basement. 
Consider how little actual sex occurs in a typical affair. There is typically more emailing/texting than anything else. As soon as the affair starts to encroach on real life, many will end it: chalk it up to a mid-life crisis and not repeat. Others are just serial cheaters.[/quote]

I agree.  My husband had the lion’s share of dysfunctional upbringing and awful parents, alcohol, cheating, neglect, divorce, etc.

But in midlife he was depressed and thought “if she never finds out it won’t hurt her. I’m taking precautions and it’s nobody near by”.

Turns out they can’t handle the stress of it.[/quote]

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