Reply to Any tips or advice re: interacting with elderly relative with borderline and narcissistic traits?

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Any tips or advice re: interacting with elderly relative with borderline and narcissistic traits? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Grey rock.  Disengage.

You don't mention why you need to be involved at this particular point in time.

When it came time and my mother needed to go to a nursing home, we (my sibling and I) did as the other poster described and just jollied her along by telling her whatever she wanted to hear to get her in the place.  (It was a top notch facility and we had busted our ass to get her in there and she claimed that she would have nothing in common with anyone in there as they were all beneath her in various ways.  Delusional.  Grandiosity.)

The behavior continues while she in there and so I have continued to limit contact.

Let go of the rope is the best advice. [/quote]

She just got out of a hospital and 2 month rehab stay and is in 90s. After being home for less than a month and making some significant health improvements is now planning to fire HHA. In the meantime is scapegoating her and complaining about her in front of other service providers, ie, home PT, home OT, visiting nurse and neighbors. Various other providers are offering up unemployed acquaintances to drive her, etc. The HHA and her supervisor have been great and it is valuable to the rest of the far away family for someone trained to keep an eye on changes in cognition, etc. as the intensity of the crazy behavior is escalating.

The rehab sent in a psychiatrist multiple times but due to another health issue her meds need to be minimized so he never started her on any. She is very anxious and manipulative. I don't think she could be declared incompetent any time soon but now can barely walk and can no longer drive. The neighbors don't want to be drafted as volunteer HHA, go back to wondering if she has eaten, etc. Nor do I. She is determined to show she is in control but does not have insight into the fact that she is forgetting more, needs someone to oversee meds, etc.

I think the next crisis will be soon and then we'll see what the discharge plan looks like. Was worth trying a HHA and would have worked out well for a less disordered person.

Thank you for saying that a change in roof did not transform your relative, nor will it do so for mine. People who post that on this forum likely do not have mentally ill relatives, esp illnesses that impact social relationships so much. So, I need to be in some contact to try to get to and through the next stage.

I was scapegoated in the family and seeing her do it to others is painful, esp as I feel I had a hand in creating a toxic workplace for this HHA who has been valuable for me and sib. Sib is over it all and says he no longer cares if she drives and kills someone, he is sick of hearing about it from her. He says nothing will work out because she won't let it. I think her extreme anxiety about money is playing a role, too. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics