Reply to SO's fam doesn't care about baby/there is no village

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SO's mom has a contentious relationship with her much younger half-siblings but said half-siblings attended our wedding and baby shower before. I sent out 1st birthday invites (show up in person or virtual Zoom) and none of them are coming and none of them feel like meeting baby. Baby is so happy and cheerful and defied all the odds (covid in utero while triple vaxxed leading to NICU stay for 1st week of life). They literally don't care he's alive. And my god, it hurts so, so much. Plus I'm an only so no siblings. SO asked his mom if she wanted to help out with baby, she laughed and said no. Five sitters backed out and one finally said yes after offering close to $40/hr. All of our nearby friends are vehemently childfree which is their choice, but there's nobody to share in the joy of our baby outside of daycare and it really sucks. Luckily we're afloat financially *knock on wood* but it's such a joyless existence for our baby and I feel so sad for our little. Going out, I almost feel like I have to apologize I have a baby. It was so different when I was a student abroad, people loved babies and everyone truly cherished kids. I would've stayed abroad but getting a visa and job were impossible. What do you do when there is no village in sight?[/quote]

It sounds like there are two separate things going on here:
1. You need more help 
2. You want relationships or community where they pay attention to your child.

Both of these are showing up in the birthday event, but the above seem more like the real issues. I think it is unreasonable to expect anyone to attend a Zoom party for a baby's birthday, and people who don't already have a relationship with your child are not going to inconvenience themselves to attend a 1st birthday.

For 1, you can't expect free childcare of anyone other than your spouse. Keep trying on finding a babysitter, maybe even use a nanny service to find someone reliable. You may also have better luck if it is a regular gig or once you can build a relationship with your sitter(s) over time.

For 2, join more mom and baby activities and join local mom groups on facebook. You can try baby music class, swim, mom and baby yoga, or even look for stroller walking groups. You will be able to connect with people who are going through the same thing, and they will be more interested in sharing in the joy of having an infant.

I would also look into therapy to manage your expectations of other people and how it's impacting your mood. Other people just do not have any obligation to dote on your child, and they'll act accordingly. Some people luck out with a natural 'village', others build one, and the rest make do. [/quote]

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