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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP are you a guy ?  I’m surprised a woman would write a post like this [/quote]

Yes, friend from college. Our children are friends, too. I know her ex by extension of her, but she and I have the relationship (which has never been intimate and I am happily married).[/quote]

DP.  Never crossed my mind you might have more-than-friends interest in her, it sounded more like you’re hot for him. [/quote]

Nope, not gay. Weird it came across that way.

I guess I come across more from the perspective of why are you surprised? Did you just assume men are idiots when it comes to these things? We aren’t.

I mean, I did tell her something like that at one point but she was pretty dug in on her narrative about him not doing enough around the house, etc.[/quote]

Latent gender biases can affect your perceptions.  If you have a mom and a dad putting in equal effort at home, he is more likely to be praised for being so involved even though he never does the dishes, while she is more likely to be labeled as lazy because she never does the dishes. Unless you were living in their home, you know very little about their contributions at home. [/quote]

Yes, I said that in my first post. I also think the truth lies somewhere in between and that probably wasn’t worth divorcing over, assuming that was the real problem. In any case, it seems like *he* wasn’t the source of her unhappiness as she continues to be unhappy, perhaps moreso. I wish I could help her find happiness. Because from where I sit, he seems to be perfectly happy and functional while my friend is just a mess. [/quote]

So you’re admitting that he probably was at least something of a slacker pre-divorce and that some of her complaints may have merit?

Here’s the real issue, assuming you’re not a troll.  If you divorce someone because of their unwillingness to do their fair share at home and then they struggle to maintain a proper household afterward, there’s a certain comfort in knowing that their laziness/slobbish mess is about them and not you.  When a spouse of doesn’t pull their weigh suddenly starts post-divorce doing all of the things you wanted them to do pre-divorce, that means their failure to do it pre-divorce had nothing to do with ability and everything to do with simply not caring enough about you at any point during the marriage to put in the level of effort that they were clearly capable of post-divorce.  It means they took you for granted and didn’t respect you, which puts and entirely different color on the marriage as a whole. [/quote]

I am not “admitting” anything. I am saying I didn’t see any evidence of what she complained about but acknowledged you never know what happened behind closed doors. I will say based on the few times I have been in it, his home seems better kept than hers. Although maybe he has a cleaning service, who knows. [/quote]

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