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[quote=Anonymous]I completely disagree with the posters who say that the OP should compromise on this one. No, you shouldn't. There are a lot of times for compromise in a marriage. There are a lot of times to compromise on parenting decisions. This is absolutely not one of them.  I desperately needed my mom the first few days after my daughter was born. She was helpful and unobtrusive, instructive when I asked for help and otherwise just supportive. She was around to answer questions like "Is it normal to be passing clots the size of tangerines?" and other stuff that I would never have been comfortable asking my mother in law. Not because I don't like her (though I really don't) but because she is NOT MY MOM. If my husband wanted to lean on his mom and ask her questions like I was doing with my mom, he was welcome to do that (he didn't), but it was understood that I do not have the same relationship with his mom that I do with mine. I will never understand why it seems to be so difficult for people to understand that basic concept!

This is not about whose parents have more "rights" to the child. Your parents are local. They can stop by for 15 minutes or bring over some takeout and then split. Your husband's parents would be around all the time. His mom does not have the same right to be involved in this part of your life that your mom does, and the first few days (I would argue the first week, minimum) is really a lot more about the mom than the baby.

I think at this point, the only way to manage the situation is to come up with a very specific plan for the visit. DH will call both sets of grandparents when labor begins. They are free to come to the hospital, with the understanding that if you do not want visitors, they are not permitted in your room. They can meet the baby in the nursery if it comes to that. No one stays overnight in your house when you return. People who come over for more than half an hour must contribute to the management of the household. Everyone who comes to see the new mom and baby has to bring the new mom a glass of water and an energy rich snack. You get to choose when visits are over, and there will no negotiation or guilt about that. After a couple weeks, things will be easier and you will get into a routine and it will be easier to have GUESTS rather than HELPERS. [/quote]

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