Reply to Sometimes/ most of the time- I really hate being a caregiver

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[quote=Anonymous]thankyou all- I appreciate the support and suggestions- some of which we had not considered, and some of which we have implemented with varying degrees of success.
People have made a lot of guesses and assumptions about several things- several of which are completely accurate, and a few of which are off base.  I would rather not give out the relatives specific medical condition b/c I am concerned that I have already said enough to pretty easily identify myself, and giving the condition would absolutely identify us.  Suffice it to say that it is a fairly rare syndrome which causes multiple medical conditions and attacks various organs of the body.  Different people experience it in different ways, and the way my relative has experienced it has changed over the years- they have not always been completely disabled, they were at one point able to work and care for themselves, albeit with some accommodations.   
They are not bedridden, they can get out of bed without assistance. They are largely housebound in that they cannot walk more than about 20 feet, and need a walker/ wheelchair/ other assistance.  The goal is for the relative to be at the table for family meals.  The problem with this is twofold- 1) due to the medical conditions the relative often does not feel up to sitting at the table (and yes, as suspected this is partly a matter of stairs) and 2) the relative is severely immunocompromised so anytime anyone in the household has any sort of communicable disease symptoms we have to isolate relative in their room.  Unfortunately this winter has been the winter of colds and flu symptoms...   In general my SO is a full participant in the caregiving.  SO has been sick for the last few days and has been unable either to help with relative or to help with kids so I have been feeling particularly run down and sorry for myself.  
When relative is having a longer term episode but everyone in the family is healthy we have set up a folding table on the same level of the house that the relatives room is on and we carry dinner to that floor and all eat together- but this is fairly burdensome as well.   
Returning to their previous living situation is not an option- they were about to be evicted from it for a few different reasons, and while they are doing much better than they were when they moved in with us, they need to be somewhere where they get daily care- all meals provided, daily housekeeping, all laundry etc.  They do have visiting nurses and other therapists who come to provide various services.
I also appreciate the person who said I needed to have more compassion- your right, the relative does not want to be in this situation- they would much rather be a healthy functioning adult living independently.  
They don't need round the clock nursing care- I can bring breakfast and lunch to them before I go to work, and then fix dinner when I get home- laundry and trash etc will be waiting for me.  They can be left alone for periods of time, just not long enough for us to go on vacation.   Its just all rather exhausting. [/quote]

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