Reply to MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home

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[quote=Anonymous]I feel like this post could have been written by me!  Except my MIL is not as nosy.  I still don't want her in my house when I'm not home unless she has been given permission, because if you give this woman an inch, she takes an arm.  I see it with my husband's siblings... She has a key to their place and comes and goes as she pleases, invites herself to stay overnight, etc.  So my objection is really to her starting to infiltrate my house (which I view as my respite, my safe zone) the way she has with the rest of her children.  I have also spoken very candidly about my feelings towards my MIL to my nanny and the last thing I want is for my nanny and MIL to become too chummy.

So, I made a clear and hard line rule that, unless she has called and cleared it with us in advance, she shouldn't be coming over to our house when we are not there.  She had originally asked for our nanny's number from nanny (and nanny felt obliged to give it), and when i found out, I objected and asked my husband to tell his mother to not contact our nanny outside of us.  He originally didn't see the issue and thought i was overreacting.     But I somehow managed to convince him that having her there with nanny would be disruptive to nanny (even if only marginally, over time, it's just an additional burden on her and I wanted to be sure the nanny knew that she was to respond to our advice and philosophies, and not his mothers, which would be hard if MIL was around and we weren't), and that our house is our house, and when his mom starts feeling free to come over whenever, it feels less like our private zone.

That said, now she just calls DH directly and asks once every couple of weeks, but I think that without this system, she would be over at least a few times a week.

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