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[quote=Anonymous]Ok. My husband and I rarely drink and have friends that are drinkers and non-drinkers. We have a lot of friends and a lot of acquaintance type folks.
Here are a few things I would say.

1. All our teetotaler friends are from church. Church is a good place to find that group. They are also going to be older typically. We have always joined marriage enrichment groups at church and you make deep relationships with couples if you have a good group. Our current group is six couples and we have been a group for 8 years or so. One couple in the group is really one of our “best friend” type couples.

2. You have likely made the mistake of trying to find friends in the same age and stage as you. Our friends are all over the map. Older, younger, married, unmarried, with kids, without kids. We have a child with profound special needs so making “family friends” was basically off the table for us very quickly. We hire sitters and do grown up stuff mostly. I will say our low amount of drinking and profound SN kid means we don’t have friends in our neighborhood as much. The families around us are whooping it up drinking in their backyard around a fire with all the kids running around — that isn’t what we typically get invited to. The neighborhood families are our “acquaintance friends.” We like them and go when invited, we also invite them to larger stuff we host — but we know how far it will go. Our friendships tend to be with people we can connect with about work, movies, etc.

3. We made good friends by inviting, inviting, inviting. My husband is insanely good at this. Total social extrovert. He is good at identifying women I will like as well or asks enough questions about wives to have a good sense of what might be a couples fit. It isn’t enough to attend an activity. It is “I met this new person, let me invite them to lunch, dinner, a game night, a basketball game, etc.” We invite people to individual stuff with only one spouse, couples stuff and large group stuff. We have hosted large events at our home where we stick invites in peoples mailboxes and probably 80 people float in and out. Covid killed so much of this and we are working our way back to this. During Covid, we pivoted within 2 months to set up an outdoor movie set up. We had people over every 2-3 weeks to sit in our driveway. We might invite 40 people to get 4-12 to come and sit far apart in the driveway brining their own chairs and snacks. Now, we are getting back to game nights in our home.[/quote]

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