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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a whole list (literally a list in my phone) of incidents of DH exploding at kids. It's not physical, but his words are harsh ("shut your mouth!") he makes threats ("i'll drag you down the street!" or "If you dont stop whining I'll throw you in the pool" (DD doesn't swim)) and last night he threw DS's (small, paperback) book b/c DS was stalling not reading. (DS is dyslexic and has ADHD and ironically we talk frequently about how important it is to build DS's frustration tolerance. How can we do that with this kind of behavior from his dad?)

In addition to worrying about my kids, I hate being in a household with this kind of yelling, snarling voice, and behavior. DH apologizes to kids after some of these moments (he apologized for book throwing last night) but I still think the cycle of outburst and apology is terrible. You can't just behave however you want with your kids as long as you apologize afterward.

I want to ask (beg? require?) DH to do something to address his outbursts. but what? he has tried and ditched his own therapy twice. We have a marriage counselor and have talked about this with her. what other tools or resources are out there? something that is realistic for a (stubborn) man to do? what kind of skill building? yoga? meditation? watch a documentary that would scare him straight? Looking for feasible, concrete ideas to ask DH to take on to address this. Anyone been there? tried something that helped you self-regulate in front of kids?[/quote]

Well, I would say we all as parents are not perfect and I've definitely yelled and grabbed something out of my child's hands in a frustrated manner. When I was a kid, my mom got so angry that she hit me with a tennis racket out of anger. Should all of this stuff happen? No, but it's sort of a realization and decision your DH has to make to change. I'm not really sure what the change will be.  I scared myself silly once when reacting out of anger towards one of my kids. It made me for the first time realize that 1. I'm am actually human and not as perfect as I thought and 2. I needed to control my anger/temper at all costs because I realized what could potentially happen in a moment of rage. I now do everything in my power before engaging in a mean, angry type of way with my kids. I don't know if this helped as I know it's not you.[/quote]

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