Reply to MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And why can't your husband be counted on to gently, but firmly talk about this? Maybe you guys should stop living all fakey fake and gingerly confront MIL with the truth?[/quote]

NO, DH will not stand up to his mother. I have tried to years to get him to do it and he always acts oblivious -- like "what's wrong with my mother??" I could stop being nice and fake  but i don't want to disrupt the entire family . I have to see this woman every week no matter what, so i don't want to create bad blood. It's already bad enough.[/quote]

OP, I posted at 9:53 and this is going to be your real problem. So you start with your husband and say "Husband, the way that your mother treats our family is unacceptable to me. I am not comfortable with her being in the house while we are not here. I do not want her harassing the nanny or sending mixed messages to DS about who is in charge during the day. If she would like to spend time with DS in the middle of the week for a specific reason (class, event, whatever), that is something that we can discuss, but it is not okay for her to just stop by in the middle of the day. It puts Nanny in a very uncomfortable position and I am just not okay with it."

I believe that parents need to present as a united front to ALL outsiders - including family. DH and I may disagree privately about how to handle situations, but we do not ever do that publicly. My MIL annoys the hell out of me. She's not a good grandparent and wasn't a good mother either and DH prefers ignoring her many annoying actions and qualities to confronting her about them. That said, if a situation like this arose, he would absolutely be right there with me, once I explained where I was at and what I wanted to happen. Your husband's positive relationship with his mom is a good thing, but he needs to prioritize his immediate family - you and your son together - over his extended family. That's just the way it goes when you have kids with someone.[/quote]

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