Reply to Father with MANY issues, mother is completely overwhelmed yet refusing help- what to do?

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Father with MANY issues, mother is completely overwhelmed yet refusing help- what to do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP again. I have gotten great advice on this forum regarding how to view situations like this. The elderly parent has their own agency, and it is their choice how they leave this world. If they want to take risks or refuse help, that is their choice. It may kill or cripple them in the process but that is their choice. All you can do is be what support you can be but also protect your own mental health in the process and keep your distance in what you can.
[/quote]

+1,000,000 OP I could have written your post about 5 years ago. Instead of a priest, we got a case worker involved who gave the same response because mom held it together for the case worker and went bananas with me over dealing with dad. I tried to explain how she in our case vacillated between crying and rage dealing with dad, but what they saw was someone worn out, but holding it together well and I was the bad guy for butting in. You have to step back and let me tell it didn't go well. He declined more and she waited way too long to get the proper help. She never recovered from the ordeal and has remained a rage filled, spiteful person beyond burnout who refuses to stay in therapy or stay on medication. Nobody believed how she lashed out at me once he was gone except for my children and husband who witnessed it. It's all very sad. I have needed to let the professionals deal and step back which means she is now declining and not in the right setting. I can endure rage fit after rage fit to somehow miraculously get her all the right help.

It is so frustrating when people like priests make you feel like you are crazy and the parent is doing just fine in a difficult situation. It can feel like all your efforts to help get shot down, so you have to step back. Have your boundaries. Take care of yourself and do what you handle without losing your mind. She may lose hers, but if she is cognitively capable, it's her choice. I wish I could have saved my mom from basically going insane from the stress, but I could not because she fought me tooth and nail. I suspect she is now at a pre-dementia stage where she still appears fine to the professionals, but is declining, but I cannot do myself in trying to convince people she has lost it and needs more help.[/quote]

Only way I got people to believe me was installing cameras in their house and recording what was happening. Then showed it to doctors, social workers, etc. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics