Reply to Father with MANY issues, mother is completely overwhelmed yet refusing help- what to do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

The doctors and her priest are aware. In fact, the geriatrician was the one who was there when my dad got enraged when the doctor told him it was time to turn over his bank accounts to someone else and he stormed out of the office onto a busy street. That doctor and my mom went chasing after him, and he told her she needed to take Dad to the ER for a psychiatric eval.

Out of desperation I wrote to her priest figuring she would listen to him. His response (verbatim):
“From what I know, your mother does not seem to be in denial. Rather, as a committed spouse she appears to be doing everything she can to help your dad retain some sense of routine while recognizing the challenges that are significant. Your mother and I speak frequently. We here are doing what we can to be of support to both of them.”

We’ve suggested an AirTag and she refuses to get an iPhone. On the occasion he takes his phone with him, I can track him. The problem is that he’s lucid enough to realize he has issues and has always been scared of dementia. His mother lived with it till she was 102. There are questions whether a facility would take him with his aggression issues.

Literally every suggestion we’ve made has been met with an excuse or reason not to.  There’s a dementia advocate whom one of her friends used and we’ve urged her to meet with this woman. She absolutely refuses and said she feels repulsed by the suggestion. Why, I don’t know. [/quote]

I am sorry you are going through this OP. Disappointing response from the priest. But the truth is that you've been told to butt out by pretty much everyone that can do something about this situation.  I kind of agree with the post comparing this to domestic abuse, so that's one way you can approach this.

Another approach would be to go there after one of these crises and you and your sister get your mother alone and directly confront her.

Or you can force yourself not to make suggestions and visit as much as you can.

This just sounds like a truly terrible situation.[/quote]

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