Reply to Toxic relative is dying, I still don’t want to talk with him

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Toxic relative is dying, I still don’t want to talk with him"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, you don't need to think about him, let alone see him, talk to him, or go to his funeral. Feel free to explain this to whoever is pushing you to reconnect, in your most acid tones.

My mother has a chronic illness and a significant disability that impacts her daily life. It's not her fault, but it has changed her behavior negatively. Long-term disease tends to do that. But the bottom line is that if there is poor behavior, it doesn't matter where it comes from - the victim is still victimized. I've had to distance myself significantly to stay sane, even though I love my mother.
[/quote]

Worlds of difference between what OP describes as a lifetime of truly toxic attitudes and behavior from the uncle, and your situation with a parent you love whose behavior is altered by something beyond her control. Of course no one should have to endure toxic commentary etc. even if it's caused by illness etc. But have you talked with her medical team or caregivers if any, about whether there are periods when she is more her old self, and a visit could be more positive for you both? 
[/quote]

PP you replied to. My point was that even in more loving circumstances, it's very hard to deal with rude/racist/abusive people, regardless of why they are this way. I was supporting OP.

And regarding my relationship with my mother... ha! You have no idea, PP.

I'm 42. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis before I was born. She has always been very manipulative, used guilt about her condition to separate my father and I from friends and hobbies, has been verbally and psychologically abusive to her attempts to keep us with her at all times, because she doesn't want to go out or try to make friends. And of course she refuses all medication (even ones pertaining to her condition). She denies she has a problem. She blames us if we complain - we're accused of being too sensitive, and that anything hurtful she said was said in jest. She refuses any other caregiver than my father, who is a martyr.

I have only known her like this. She refuses help. There is nothing I can do, except distance myself and my family and visiting occasionally. My father needs to fend for himself - he could, if he really wanted to, hire someone to help him. And yet, in all this, we do love each other.

It's complicated.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics