Reply to Who should help take care of MIL? A very complicated family dynamic.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think she needs professional caregivers.[/quote]

+1. And a full family discussion regarding the resources that will be needed to accomplish that. It's not fair to burden one child/IL with all the caregiving just because they didn't have children. [/quote]

Sounds like there’s plenty of resources to go around, and it’s not fair to just dump MIL on SIL1 because they can.

If I were SIL1 I, too, would be pissed at the bait and switch.

I’m also annoyed by how much sexism there is baked into the premise that SIL2 should step up - she works full-time and has kids.  In any case it’s not anyone’s true responsibilities outside of FIL, who indeed is absconding on his obligations.[/quote]

OP here -

It's a suggestion my husband has thrown out. I think he feels like SIL2 (and BIL2) should help since they lived the closest and MIL provided full-time care to her kids before they went to school, neither had to go to daycare. There's actually currently *zero* pressure on SIL2 from my FIL or anyone in the family, it hasn't been formally discussed at all.[/quote]

Why would the expectation be that *she* help when they *both* benefitted from the free childcare.

What is your husband, BIL1, and BIL2 doing to help?  Or is this viewed as purely a woman’s responsibility??[/quote]

BIL1 pays all the bills. He is really the one bankrolling the situation. He is the sole income earner in the household and pays the mortgage, utilities, and will write checks for FIL if needed.

My husband did help, and will check on MIL if asked or needed.

BIL2 ... does not help.

My BIL1 and FIL are buddies. It's a really crappy patriarchal dynamic. BIL1 will take FIL on vacations and joins in on the recreational trips and SIL1 and MIL just get left at home.
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