Reply to Today’s young adults want apologies from their parents; parents want a thank you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it’s new to want an apology for a screw-up. Seeing and feeling sad for the pain another has gone through, regardless of the source, is a way to have a deeper connection with somebody.  I think it’s more socially acceptable to talk about it with others.

Same with appreciation for what you have done for others, but since adult children have become more firm about wanting apologies, I think there has been a backlash against that with parents saying “you want an apology? Well what about some appreciation for everything I did?” That has always been the case because people are just bad at conflict and relationships but it might be more prevalent now. It certainly is more visible. [/quote]

You don’t define pain or screwups. Nobody would defend the abusers, but there’s a lot of room for error beneath this. Yet somehow you jump to blaming parents because they’re “just bad at conflict.” Typical, and that’s probably exactly what OP is talking about. [/quote]

I don’t say parents are the only ones who are bad at conflict. The vast majority of people are. And the way a parent’s poor conflict skills manifest in this situation is often deflection.

I didn’t think I needed to define pain or screw ups. But I don’t see why the definition matters. I believe we should empathize with all pain, no matter the degree, and take accountability for screw-ups, no matter how small. I think the empathy piece is less true of a child toward their parent because you need to be cautious of the child being asked to emotionally support a parent, but children too should apologize for their mistakes as well.

Lastly, I do actually think abusers deserve defense as well. The abuse does not, but I actually have empathy for abusers. The difference between abusive parents and parents who made a lot of common mistakes is, from the perspective of anybody but the child, a matter of degree. You can defend the good intentions of abusers just as much as you can defend the good intentions of any other flawed person. That’s not the same as defending the mistakes or abuse. [/quote]

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