Reply to Friend's 20 yo son being taken advantage of by 40 yo "girlfriend"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in the same situation- I was 20 with a much older man who would threaten suicide. What he needs is:

1. Support from his parents to speak freely and make his own choice, without pressure or being told what to do. Lots and lots of empathy.

2. Normalizing what a healthy relationship looks like. There is a TON of toxic messaging that you are supposed to stay with your partner no matter what, through sickness, etc. People are crucified for leaving a partner with mental health issues because they should be “helping” them. His parents can explain that’s not what healthy relationships are, healthy relationships make both people better and happier.

3. An explanation that suicide is a very real medical danger, the same as threatening to kill someone else, and needs to be handled by professionals. Calling 911 is an appropriate reaction, but if he’s too scared for that, he can call a suicide hotline and get guidance. Often the hotline will call the person threatening suicide.

I do NOT agree with telling her to “go ahead”. That’s not healthy behavior, and the fact that he is caring is a GOOD thing. He can have empathy for her and still get out of the relationship. [/quote]

NP. An excellent post. I would add -- 1, 2 and 3 are great but the guy may need a clearer prompt for how to BREAK UP with this woman. If he continues to see her on any level at all, she will keep hoping and keep making her threats to try to hang onto him. If he wants to break up he needs words for it. If he says "Next time you make that threat I'll call 911" -- that means he will see her a "next time." Which, if he wants out, he shouldn't do. I think an earlier PP had a good though too-long script. Shorten it to: "I'm concerned when you make these threats. Here's the number of a crisis hotline. I need to end our relationship and am asking you not contact me again, but please call this hotline." If she contacts him with threats of suicide, he does not reply directly to HER -- he calls 911 and tells them. [/quote]

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