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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, I've been in a similar situation before...by that I refer to being in therapy and reading all of the research and trying to "figure him out".  IMHO, it can do more harm than good.

Why I feel this way: you have problems. You are already in therapy and committed to working on them. I'm sure your therapist recommends some books or articles also. However beyond that, your life can often become "working on it". Not just living life and reconnecting and using the tools that you are learning in therapy.

Add onto that your own "discoveries" re: why you think your dh is a certain way...and it can be very very very overwhelming for the person being told why they are a certain way.  Let your therapist, a trained professional, make the diagnoses.

Your job is just to put into action what you are learning and provide a good environment for your husband to do the same.  But you can do all of the reading possible and it won't make your husband "hurry up and change".  In my experience, it did the opposite: I was so convinced due to my armchair diagnoses what was wrong and what needed to be done to change things that I got quite frustrated when they didn't immediately change.

I would recommend that instead of all of the extra reading and focusing on your husbands challenges and past and emotional unavailability, take that energy and watch tv with him. Go see a movie. Go for a walk or go get ice cream. What did you do for fun when you were dating?[/quote]

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