Reply to 95yo Dad Not Accepting His Cognitive Decline

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's 95, so think hard about what senior community is appropriate.  He's not going to be there for decades and his needs will likely increase rapidly. Memory care doesn't sound like a good fit yet, but he also doesn't sound like he can't be fully independent.  It may be tough to find something that fits his needs.

If he was a lawyer, can you use the line "This is associate work, let me do a first pass and I'll report back." Then take the time to walk him through what you did, if he wants to hear it.[/quote]

I just posted, but these are good points. He needs a CCRC where he can easily move along as needs increase. He doesn't need memory care now, but in the next few years he may and you don't want to keep doing major moves. I disagree with the part that it may be hard to find something that meets his needs. There are people in assisted living with very minor needs and the next year they have more needs. The more independent folks in AL tend to hang out with eachother so it doesn't feel like you are among people with greater needs. Before you know it, you need all that AL has to offer.[/quote]

He has money. They can afford care at home. That is usually better than being institutionalized especially during COVID. Op does not need to convince her dad to move into assisted living if he wants to stay home.
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I don't agree with you here. First, home caregivers are going to get very pricey very quickly if he starts to need 24/7 care. Second, it absolutely depends where you were living and what the facilities were like w/r/t nursing home death rates during the outset of covid before vaccines. We're not living in the same world now. Sure, absolutely, being elderly is a huge risk for covid -- but in my mom's independent living community she just moved to, their vaccine rate is almost 100% and people are not dropping like flies anymore.

Also, being alone is a huge risk factor for life-threatening issues like falling, not to mention it exacerbates mental decline to be alone and not with other people. My mom almost totally isolated herself in her single-family house for most of the pandemic to date and we saw her experience terrible loneliness (by choice, she didn't even want to get together outside for a long time) and experience further hearing loss and decline. She was so depressed, too. We managed to get her into a great place by truly herculean efforts on my family's part and it's like she has a new lease on life. She's making friends and has like fifty times the daily social interactions she used to.

[b]Keeping your parent at home all by him- or herself is not necessarily a kindness if they are lonely and isolated[/b].[/quote]

100% this.   There are communities where he could have his own apartment but still have access to a dining room for meals and programs for socializing and access to doctors at the facility.   Such a setup would be far superior to staying alone in a SFH with a rotating staff of caregivers.  [/quote]

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