Reply to How to handle parents and in laws that don't like each other

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be honest - are your in-laws being reasonable? You say your in-laws "are very aware now my parents don't like them due to interactions." Does that mean your mother has treated your in-laws poorly?

If so - you invite your in-laws. And maybe your dad if that logistically makes sense and he's not part of the problem. Your mom can't get along, she misses out.

If they're both being unreasonable (ie, if your in-laws got a wiff of not being liked and are over reacting) then you invite them both and make them figure it out or they can choose to not come. Not your problem. [/quote]

OP here. I mean, my ILs aren't wrong - my mom doesn't like them and she's pretty obvious about it. Basically will look right at them and act like they don't exist. Or not say hello even when spoken to. I mean, she hasn't like made a huge scene or anything, but she makes things VERY uncomfortable and then she or my dad make sure to let me know all of their grievances about the interaction after the fact. It's exhausting. [/quote]

Your mother is being childish and narcissistic.  Your in-laws are only responding to being treated like dirt for years.

So, you need to explain to your mother that she needs to grow up and learn to behave with a minimum of courtesy towards your in-laws or they will get invited to all events for the grandchildren, and she will only be invited when the other grandparents are not coming.  You can alternate holidays like many people do, one gets Thanksgiving and one gets Christmas each year and you alternate years.  But for joint events like concerts, recitals, graduations, performances, etc, the other grandparents will be invited first and only if they are not coming, will you invite your mother.  If the performance has more than one day, you can invite them on different days, but she will be the B-list to the other grandparents A-list until she learns to behave better.

Then let her behave and you can determine if and when it is safe to invite her to future events.[/quote]

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