Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry. Sending you a huge hug. My mom left my dad after 40 years of marriage due to him having multiple affairs. She simply could no longer live with a liar. If your dh truly loves the kids, he wouldn't continue  hurting you (and them) by cheating behind your back. I think we often are clinging to the person we want them to be rather than the person they really are. And that really only benefits them, not us.[/quote]

Oh please.  You can love your kids and still cheat on your spouse.  Spare us your drivel. [/quote]

I realize it is hard to understand someone else's experience as a child of a cheater but try empathy. Cheaters put their own needs first. That's not love.[/quote]

DP.  This is what I have seen over and over during the 20 years after I ended my relationship with my cheating spouse.  The exact same character flaws that enabled him to cheat and lie about it played out over and over with my kids. He says he loves the kids but he is unable to know their needs and unable to put them first when necessary.  When the kids were little this was puzzling and hurtful to them.  Now that they are adults, they have come to expect very little from him and, frankly, they think him a bit of a loser.

OP, one of the reasons I ended my relationship with my cheating spouse was that I thought about my daughter - I knew if i wanted her to have the strength to leave an abusive relationship, that I couldn’t raise her in one and that I would have to demonstrate the strength to leave.  She was only 5 and heartbroken when he moved out. I never spoke ill of him or explained exactly why we split up, but as she grew older, it became apparent to her that he was seriously flawed.  In her young adulthood she became involved in an emotionally abusive relationship.  I think one of the things that gave her the strength to end it was knowing that I had done so and we all survived.

Ending the relationship wasn’t the life I envisioned for myself, but I also never envisioned having a serial cheater as a husband.  Life is too short for that, and I would prefer to live more authentically.

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