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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you and your son seem happy. If either of you really wanted to change things, you would. I think you’re looking for reassurance more than a change of direction. [/quote]

I am happy, he’s anxious, caught up in a peer group where kids measure each other by college placement.  He loves all the things he does, but he falls into worrying about how other kids will get into better schools.  So, I guess I want to reality test that, but I don’t know what reality is.

[/quote]

This area can be so toxic. My kid started with ”best college” talk in 8th grade. I researched the college market, decided I’d rather have a happy accounting major at Drexel than a miserable Econ major at Penn, and then told her I didn’t think the expensive schools were worth the price (even though FAFSA will say we can afford it). That helped put a realistic cap on her ambitions without that cap being a negative evaluation of her potential. [/quote]

+1  My DD had a huge meltdown in 9th grade because of stress about college. We hadn't been talking about it but she was getting all that crap from her peers. I started researching a few schools I thought would appeal to her that also have a high acceptance rate/good merit aid. Seeing what opportunities were out there that don't require killing yourself in HS seemed to really lower the stress level. I was also blunt about the fact that even if she could somehow shape herself into a Ivy-caliber candidate, we did not have the money for that. She's now a senior, in at 3 schools so far that would all give her a good education, and has gotten over the "best schools"/rankings obsession. She doesn't care that her current favorite is a school most people haven't heard of. She's done the research and know it would be a great place for what she wants.  [/quote]

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