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[quote=Anonymous]and as a result are having less sympathy for your friend's more mundane problems. And that you are a 'solver' generally so if someone vents to you you want to give them tools to do something about it. That can be frustrating when someone wants to vent. And both of these things are understandable but really won't be compatible with long term friendships. As a competitor in the grief olympics myself, you really can't go through life thinking that other people's problems are nothing because yours are worse. And if you can't ever just be a sounding board than you aren't a good friend.[/quote]

I am a solver which I do for my job but often people come to me to ask me to solve their problems. I know this about myself so often just try to listen and not say anything beyond asking questions and affirming but then they ask me for advice. I'm also happy to listen to mundane issues as long as they don't drone on and as long as I don't get a lot of criticism for it. Friend one is kind of a NYC area drama queen and is used to complaining about things a lot and sometimes I have to shut down the discussion a bit and try to move on but she is a fun person to be around and she does truly care about me and my family. I just don't like it when I listen to it all and then there is a complaint about the meet-up time because didn't I know she goes to bed at 9 pm and  can't meet at 8 or small issue that she thinks I should have known about. She's just very blunt without a buffer. She's been there a lot for me over the ages. Neither of these two people are very self-reflective and are very extroverted so they don't have a large filter for their own words.

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