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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it sounds like you are unsure of what to do about housing but you are sure that you want to separate from him financially.

Based on the above, I would recommend refinancing into a 3 or 5 year ARM.

You get a lower rate and your "additional" monthly payment is lower than $1500 (this is the figure you mentioned for a 30 year loan).

You are effectively buying yourself 3 or 5 years time to think about what you would like to do and see how your money situation is.  While you wait, your kids stay in the same school system, stay in the same house and you see what kind of time you have to do your side hustles.  During this time, you can set aside $1500/month, instead of the lower monthly payment on a 3 or 5 year ARM (let's say it is $1200 for example), and you can see the impact that it has on your budget.  You can set aside that extra $300 into a savings account for emergencies or use it to refinance again if and when rates go down.  By the way, no one knows what is going to happen with rates so don't let anyone convince you that rates are going up or down.

Most people's financial situation improves over time so you may be in a better financial position 3-5 years out and that may improve your outlook on what to do.

Hope that helps!

[/quote]
Op here. Thank you. This does help a lot.
I find all the questions helpful.
I think I could side hustle in about 40-50k a year. It'll mean I'll have to pay a greater portion of the children's expenses but I believe would still be worth it because more cash is better than less cash...
My worry about the ARM is just the whole "this is what caused the housing bubble" trauma of 2008 and worry that rates will just go UP instead... but that is a good point about financial situation improving over time, plus child care expenses would go down.
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