Reply to Your thoughts on how to solve this recurring marital disagreement/issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. How do I respond when DH is angry that I hired someone to fix the shower? There is no way he will say thanks or even say nothing. He will definitely be annoyed.

And to the PP who asked if I am a money waster, no I am not. DH and I definitely disagree on what is a worthwhile use of money and what is not, but at the end of every discussion, he has the final say. I have conditioned myself to be very frugal over the years in response to his behavior. [/quote]

Your only hope (aside from counseling etc.) is that it will play out like this:

DH: Why did you pay someone to fix the grout when I said I didn't want to?!
OP: I asked you to do it and you didn't have the time, so I just took care of it
DH: I didn't want to pay blah blah -insert complaints-

Next home repair that comes up, this is how you approach:

OP: The gutters need to be cleaned. I was going to call XYZ Gutter tomorrow.
DH: That's stupid, I will do it.
OP: If you want to do it yourself that's fine. However, the last time this came up, you never got around to it. So let's figure out a reasonable timeframe that if you don't get to it, I am going to call and hire someone.

[/quote]

This could work only if the DH is accepting of having a "reasonable time frame" discussion. I'll bet he will balk at that and turn it all back onto OP, and say she's pressuring him, doesn't trust that he'll get the job done, he doesn't like having a deadline forced on him, etc. While the script above has good points it just doesn't work with a resistant person who, as OP has noted, neither wants to pay anyone to do anything nor wants to do the hands-on work himself in reality. With someone self-aware enough to see that he has slacked on this stuff previously in the name of saving money, yes, you could talk time frames after which you hire someone. OP's DH is not that person. [/quote]

Probably, but it's a reasonable attempt at a compromise. If her DH, a fully grown man, doesn't have an alternative solution to suggest, than he can go kick rocks. [/quote]

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