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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Plan to go out of town the next holiday if your DH does not have the spine to break the cycle. That is what I did and worked perfectly. DH has no clue. Some in-laws think if you do something once it is a tradition. Break it and go out of town! [/quote]

This. Travel with just you, DH and the kids if any. Go somewhere with fun Christmas events, lights, shows, etc.

It's also just fine, and wise, to say, "We're going to have Christmas with just us and the kids this year, and we'll see you for a potluck at our house on...." Then choose the date. Boxing Day (Dec. 26) is the day for casual extended family visits in some countries, or get together for lunch on New Year's Eve Day or New Year's Day etc.

Start building traditions where your family is JUST your own, nuclear family for Christmas Eve and ALL of Christmas Day and visits happen in the week after that, informally. It is a huge relief and you still see the (local) relatives. If you're having to see out of town relatives, well, start doing it every other year. Set that expectation. This year, we're home with just us and the kids. Next year, the in-laws/cousins/whatever. The year after that? Holiday trip.

There is no law that Christmas Must Be Celebrated The Same Damn Way EVERY Year. [/quote]

Did ya'll read her post?  " I oblige because I don’t want to not celebrate with them."

OP actually wants to spend time with the family.  She just doesn't want all the burden to fall on her.  There are tons of options.  Not celebrating with the family is not one of them.  Or at least it shouldn't be considered: 1) OP scales way back on the time and effort she puts into hosting; or 2) they simply tell the family how they are feeling and discuss other options where they can all be together (in-laws host, out to dinner, family vacation somewhere...)[/quote]

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