Reply to None of my usual behavior tools work now that DD is 3. What works for your 3yo?

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Reply to "None of my usual behavior tools work now that DD is 3. What works for your 3yo?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try "No Bad Kids" by Lansbury.  it completely changed the way I dealt with my 3 year old and we were all happier.

Firm boundaries and knowing when a toddler can NOT make the right choice were key for me in keeping from getting too frustrated.  Sometimes they CAN NOT make a choice.  [b]You must do it for them, but hold the boundary in a kind yet firm way.  No timers, no countdowns, no time outs.  Next time, you learn to head it off before it gets to meltdown stage.[/b][/quote]

Can you give an example of this? Helpful

[/quote]

She really does a much better job explaining it than I do, I'd poke around here: https://www.janetlansbury.com/category/toddlers-preschoolers/

But basically, if you know it's getting time to leave the park, you have to stop expecting cheery compliance if you KNOW it's a sticking point.  Countdowns only add stress "we're leaving in 10 minutes, now 5 minutes! Now 1 minutes!  LET'S GO!".  3 year olds don't know minutes, so this doesn't make sense.  Instead, you make sure you are leaving before they are completely DONE with their own regulation.  Then you help them leave.  "Ok Cindy, time to go, lets say good bye to the slide" or "lets race to the car".  If they refuse, you can empathize, but you hold your boundary.  "I know it's hard to leave the park" while leading them away.  If they get more upset, you may need to scoop them up.  "You are really upset about leaving today!".  Try to leave out the "but it's time" or "we can come back" or other bargaining things we tend to do with kids.  We think it softens things, but it can make kids feel like they aren't being heard.[/quote]

Also she has thist advice about being close to them and gently guiding them physically that I found really worked.  If you stand on the edge of the playground and expect them to come to you, they often get stuck in a battle of wills.  So go to them, on their level, take their hand in a calm way, and just guide them out.  Gentle physical presence works wonders with young kid.  Much more effective than words.  [/quote]

thanks, I will check this out -- this all sounds insightful. I definitely do the "bargaining" phrases and that is a good flag to eliminate.[/quote]

This is a good approach. Teacher of 3 year olds here.  I ask a child to do something, “ it’s time to go to the bathroom”. If they do not do it, I ask one or 2 more times, then I say, “do you need help?  I can help! “. And then I come over and physically guide them to the bathroom.  When I say, “do you need help”, my tone is friendly and upbeat— it’s not a threat or sarcastic.

When the child doesn’t listen, that is my cue to gently physically guide them to do what I’m asking.  I keep in mind that kids this age are impulsive, and their impulses often get the better of them. No threats, no bargaining.

Also, give them choices, where both choices work for you:  “do you want to put it away now, or in 2 minutes? “. They pick 2 minutes, and I can spare the 2 minutes, and they feel more in control. [/quote]

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