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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Or, the things that weren't important before kids become important after kids. The guy that is the go-getter doesn't have time or see the value (maybe these go together) in going out for a walk or watching the sunset or just being in the moment.  Or you can make excuses, "I can live with this" or "When we're married he'll feel more comfortable expressing himself" things like that. OP, sounds like your husband is emotionaly there for his friends and hobbies. Doesn't sound like you matter to him. I'd call him outo n this and tell him what needs to change. While I agree with you that "we are in charge of our own happiness" I also think you're taking it to an extreme. After all, nobody sitting alone at recess because they've been left out truly feels happy. You have a right to intamacy. If your husband can't or won't, then you owe it to yourself to find someone who can.[/quote]

OP again. You are right, I do deserve this stuff. My issue is that I've been reading that when you get to a crossroads in your marriage like this, the reason the divorce rate is so high is because people say, "well he is not giving me what I need, why should I give him what he needs?" But if one person actually makes some changes, the other person may follow. And that is what is happening with us. We are both working, but as I change expectations (so I can't expect him to make me feel safe and secure right now, for example, and I can accept that for a while) and I change behaviors so that I'm not harping on him for not giving me what I need, he may relax and open up and then as communication improves, as things get revealed, as you start feeling comfortable again telling each other what you need, how you feel, then he will start giving me what I need.

That's the thinking. I don't intend to spend the rest of my life supressing needs. That wouldn't make either of us happy. [/quote]

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