Reply to Dealing with your Ex-Spouses New Girlfriend or Boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am trying to get comfortable with a woman being around my children and it is a struggle for me.  I am wondering how others in my situation have dealt with this and whether it made you anxious.  And how did you finally get comfortable with the situation.  While I know my kids adore me and we have a great relationship, I guess there is a slight worry that they may see her as the new shiny penny and me as the boring mom. [/quote]

It is hard, but you have to frame this in your mind much like you do any other adult who has a leadership position for your children.  You don't get to pick the teacher for your children at school, the school does.  If your child goes to a week long day camp or sleepaway camp, you don't get to pick the counselors.  If your kid is on a travel sports team, you don't get to pick the coach or the chaperones.   If your kids attend any event that you are not present for, then you have to trust the adults that are selected by someone else will take care of your children.

In everyone of these situations, you may be lucky and find you really like the adults that are supervising your children's activities. But you might be unlucky to find that you don't like the adult that is supervising your children.  You have to decide whether it is worthwhile to keep your child involved in the activity or pull them.  But, in many of these cases, it can be very difficult to extract them, so you have to weight the pros and cons of leaving them in the activity vs pulling them.  Say you want to pull them from a sports team, but they really, really want to play that sport and there isn't another team around you can join.  What if the kids are wiling to put up with the behavior that bothers you?  Or say you drop them off at a sleepaway camp, but it's a couple of hours drive away and you have a bad feeling about the counselors that were checking people in?  Do you take them home?  Leave them?

As an adult and a parent, you have to analyze all of the pros and cons of every situation and how to handle situations, including ones that you are not completely happy with.  Treat this like a situation where you are not happy with the guidance/adults/supervision of your children's event, but you decide that it is better to leave your children in this event/activity.  You grit your teeth and bear it and hope that you've done what's best for your children.  You also try not to rock the boat too much, by complaining too much, because you know that that might only make the situation even more uncomfortable for your children.  Like if you complain too much to a sports team coach and become "that parent" it might have repercussions for your child, like then being benched more or less playing time.

Your reactions are human, but try to make sure that you let your ex parent and date and you be as supportive of your children as possible.  Make sure to talk to them and let them know any concerns they have about time they spend with their father.  Do not mention his new girlfriend, just keep the comments about their time with their father generic.[/quote]

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