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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, do you have kids yourself?[/quote]

Yes, I do but I had kids at least 5, in some cases 8years before my friends. My kids are now 12 and 15 and they’re not much work (except driving them around), but a lot of joy. My parents are also older, in fact my father died long ago. I miss him but the pain isn’t fresh. They mostly have their parents still, and they are feeling ok. Some are really unhappy financially and with their husbands, I think that’s the biggest complaint I’ve heard. Also maybe they don’t like their careers. They didn’t complain about their parents or kids though.[/quote]

Did you work part time or SAH?  Working full time with young kids is a slog, thats why they call it a juggle.

It’s likely in this idyllic town it’s expensive to live, their parents are still alive so they didn’t inherit a house, so they are likely stretched to afford to live there, hence the wish for better finances and a breadwinner DH to let them go part time and focus on the kids. Pretty typical if most of your friends are working parents; it’s a phase full of joy and love and not much day to day happiness [/quote]

A huge part of this is a lack of autonomy, which does not get discussed enough in my opinion. Necessities for a stable life, including housing security, good health care, and being comfortable financially come at a cost. Having a nice home in a good area, excellent health insurance, a stable job in government, or whatever, all tend to tie people to a status quo that might be less than ideal, whether it's a toxic job with unrealistic expectations or an unhelpful spouse. For me, the most challenging aspect of that phase of my life was the demands of the school calendar. I opted for stable government employment with great health insurance so that I could be there to support my kids and the schools. However, that position still has demands, along with lower pay, which left me less able to outsource. Just because you have sick or vacation leave, doesn't mean you have a job that allows you to take it any time you want. With so many school days off, events, and other school-based demands, you are stuck with few choices about how you use your time. That is absolutely suffocating. When a less than ideal marriage is piled on top of that, it's a recipe for unhappiness. [/quote]

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