Reply to Question about attending Bat Mitzvah

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[quote=Anonymous]

-Gift at the reception. A lot of debate on DCUM but in my experience it's almost always money (cash or check, multiples of 18 is a nice gesture but not necessary). This does seem to vary by community and whatever you choose to do will be appreciated.

-ceremony can be long -2 1/2 hours. Many people don't come at the start time and instead closer to the middle when the child will be more involved. If you're comfortable, you can ask what time that might be. It's not wierd at all for you to attend the ceremony. The more the merrier to celebrate the child, and it's a nice way for you to get a better understanding of what it's all about. But of course that's not required.

-Yes, the congregation is quiet more of the time other than singing along if they know how. My daughter who is 8 but struggles to stay in one place takes a million bathroom breaks. And I see some older kids reading books. It's not the most polite thing to do, but it's not the end of the world either. They should put the book away while the bar mitzvah of their family is leading. And they should stand and sit along with everyone else.

Others have mentioned more modest attire at the ceremony and covering shoulders. The same usually doesn't apply at the party.

It can get LOUD at the party. Imagine a wedding type party filled with young teens and their music. Ear plugs or headset would be fine if she needs. My 8 yo often has to leave the room, and depending on the venue, there's often a lobby/lounge area to get some quiet.

Even if the adults have a plated dinner, the kids usually have a kid friendly buffet of burgers and chicken fingers etc.

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