Reply to When did you know that you and your child would not have a good relationship when they became adult?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD is 15, I already know we won’t be close or have a relationship. Grant it she is going through the teen years but I don’t think she’ll ever fully mature, grow out of ALL her insecurities, and jealous personality. I do hope she will but I’ve always been perceptive of people. I tell her ai love her, support her but I am tired of the battles.  Sounds terrible but i can’t wait for college, I’m afraid that she won’t go away to school nor move out one day.  She is that insecure, draining. I accept her the way she is now and am slowly learning how to remove myself from emotional, reactive, insecurities. I’m just trying not to hate her.  Help me..[/quote]

I never though I would have a good relationship with my mother until I was in my 30s and a mother myself - but then I read what you wrote about your daughter and you sound awful. My mom is critical, insecure, self-centered, and jealous. In some ways my life would be easier without her - but she is a good grandmother to my children and that’s important to me. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me accept that I can only control my own thoughts and actions and how I react to others. I can’t control her, but I can control her ability to hurt me. It literally took almost a decade, but I just quit letting her act out. When she lashed out at me or crossed my boundaries I ended the conversation or left the visit. I waited for her to reach out again. Now she mostly behaves herself but I can tell it’s draining to be “on her best behavior” for an extended period of time. She’s still a miserable person, I just don’t have to deal with it anymore. [/quote]

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